The woman I want to be vs who I was.

In todays society the war of the world is at its most high. With so many images and portrayals to what women should be. The entertainment business and pornography. I touched on this subject briefly but want to dig more into it. with having daughters it is hard to set the right example with so much already going on in the world to steer them in any direction, I think thats when your true morals within take a stand,

what example do I want to set? would I want my little girl doing this or that? what type of attention does that bring? and the list goes on. It’s hard enough as it is to find a good man. with the light that some shine on themselves bring the wrong type of man. some blame it on age, immaturity. I feel that it comes from self-esteem and wanting any type of attention. at the end of the day half dressed, body hanging out your clothes just to get a mans reaction or dancing around in videos for money in bra and panties and showing all you have to the world just lowers your respect. and what was it for? money? men? fame? what comes after that? at the end of the day you are still that person you presented your self as, what you’ve just shown, is what all will always see!

respect that others will have for you as well as the lack of respect you have for yourself. Then some wonder why no one takes them seriously and passes them around like last nights steak dinner. or should I say pork plate. Let’s be real no ones passing around a grade A steak to share!

At times I have struggled with how to present myself, I am human. I like attention just like the next but I have realized that you get the pool you swim in! I want a better pool. I want to have class and show my daughters that you have to be yourself but you also have to have respect for yourself. how you draw your picture is how others will paint it. There are a lot of good men out there that appreciate a good woman and that if you take stride in that it will pay off. your past will always play a major part in life so make yours one with mistakes but none that are detrimental to your growth.

I want to be a role model! someone with standards and I want to show my girls that in doing so you will have peace of mind in knowing that you did not have to do what you felt was expected just to find happiness and love. real men want more than meets the eye. private times are just that PRIVATE TIMES, sacred is SACRED! I want to be more than who I’ve been and I will be! no matter what the world throws, I will rise above it and stay in the picture that I am drawing NOW!

mothers love your children, hug them, tell them you love them. give them the attention they need before they feel the need to get the wrong attention from anyone! set examples! make time, talk to them. steer them away from the many guilty pleasures of the world so that when they become of age they will see it as mere child’s play thats unwarranted. fathers? be there for your children! be the man she needs to find again. show your sons women are to be respected and loved not toys that are used. make a stand, stop the cycle because so much of life now is being wasted on the wrong things that nothing is precious anymore. life itself is even collapsing.

Tale as old as time

Reaching 41 years old in two more days has had me feeling up and down, as the days go a little bit faster I’m finding that I am becoming more content with it. I have had a good life. I know saying that makes it seem I am about to turn 100 lol but I mean it, I have had a good life.

not that I want it to end any time soon, just that I have realized that all I’ve been through was much needed and not for nothing, nights I’ve cried and days I’ve wished for it to be over. Now so happy that I am still alive! I am so thankful for so much. My kids of course. seven of them. four boys and three girls and they are literally my entire life. I have been heartbroken more than I can count even now but I am starting to shake it off. I know that this needed to happen and ever since it did I have been receiving so many blessings that I am so thankful for.

we live and we learn and I have learned so much. At first it felt like my heart was crashing but now I feel hope! and that is something I haven’t felt in a very long time. Change is scary but there is another way to look at it. A new chapter in life and I am very excited to see what that brings. I think many of us get a little scared as age increases but I think we forget that we are the wiser for it.

I’m not sure what the future holds for me but I am finally ready to embrace it! After my birthday I am going to cut bad habits and start to live a healthy life style because I want to be here a long time for my kids as well as myself. I am going to do new things and get out more and meet new people. I will no longer allow pain, past mistakes or toxic people to control my life anymore! something happened when I awoke this morning, no I can not explain it but I will say that I have a smile on my face and that I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship (Humphrey bogart) 🙂

me and life that is!!

SEX… is taking over everything that was ever worth anything.

I am here to talk a little about several things. I’m a simple girl I’d like to think, well I am 40 almost 41 so I think girl is a bit of a stretch 🙂 carrying on. My mind races daily going through so much in life that at times I just wish the clock could stop. No, not indefinitely. Just for a little while. Do you ever feel that way? I would think if you’re human we all have had that thought in some way or another at least once.

I try to stay on top of current events. What I see mostly these days are that so many marriages, relationships and partnerships are collapsing. It’s always going to be hardships. Then I get to thinking about the main cause of most relationships falling apart even friendships. SEX! yes the small but big word. It takes over so much in life that one doesn’t truly realize how much they are sacrificing for a mere few minutes.

we have social media, the number one issue taking control of our lives. porn, the internet and the list goes on. we live in a world that makes some think that what they see is what they get. leaving some to think they have to change in some form to be accepted or wanted by another. I feel that love is a word most use just to redefine lust!

let me elaborate, I was in a 3year relationship with whom I thought was a friend but our relationship fell apart from online porn, social media, craiglist, you name it! At first I started to think something was wrong with me until I realized that this person was addicted to what he sees. women half dressed or undressed. exotic and kinky sex, I wont go too much into detail but you get the picture. It crushed my self-esteem. I still tried to hold on but no matter what I did the issue was always there.

it took time for me to finally realize that it was not me. it was the many opened doors of opportunity in life that people created. this man like so many others said he loved me all the time yet he couldn’t control his urges. it wouldn’t of mattered what I did, I knew now who he was. My real issue was the fact that he wasn’t honest. I do feel that people have the right to live life how they feel because we only have one shot at it but I do not think it’s fair to take someone down a path with you that they did not sign up for.

my point is I just wish things would some how measure up! we are kids once! we die once! but we live as long as we can. sex should not define a person or take over their lives. there is so much that is supposed to be sacred but now it’s just a thing. like a video game or a flavor of ice cream. Many not thinking of the consequence of so many disasters. disease, pregnancy, heartache and so much more. We all still have to grow up one day and realize life is so much more than that guilty pleasure that use to be called love. I have to be honest I do not believe the world will change or get any better now. too much that once was thought of as excelling has turned into the end of life as we know it.

we are here to explore, live, love, laugh. we are here to have kids and make things great for them. we are here to be happy! I think some forget that. they stay in a childlike state of mind and never see anything more than 16! I just wish it was different. teach your kids what you believe is right and try to get things back on track, we may can’t change the world but we can change us!

to be continued:

Pain has raised me.

Thanks for joining me!

I want to share what I’ve learned and continue to learn,

It all started with the very first baby crack, welcome to my blog!

I’m Camille.

Create a free website or blog at

Up ↑

Create your website at
Get started